


you hate me now (i feel the same way)

by jennycaakes



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: (or is it), Fucking With Feelings, Hate Sex, M/M, Porn With Plot, Roommates, Smoking, but there are feelings involved, or rather, they just have a lot of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-08 20:31:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15937736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennycaakes/pseuds/jennycaakes
Summary: Before the start of the year, Nursey had a few ideas about how he and Dex would make sharing a room work.He imagined rules about socks on doors, about texts warning of visitors. He pictured an allotted quiet time so he could get some reading done. Nursey imagined weekends rooming with Chowder to give Dex time to cool off, or weekends with Dex rooming with Chowder to give Nursey some space. They were better than they were as frogs, and even better than the year after that, but they still weren’t great. Nursey anticipated a lot of pushback, a lot of struggle.He didn’t expect them to start having sex?





	you hate me now (i feel the same way)

**Author's Note:**

> well i heard rock bottom by hailey steinfeld and was like hmmm maybe i'll make that into a fic and here we are, 10k later! this is literally mostly sex so if that's not your thing i feel ya. or if it is, i feel ya. either way - hope you like it!
> 
> (pls ignore typos, will edit tomorrow!)

Before the start of the year, Nursey had a few ideas about how he and Dex would make sharing a room work.

He imagined rules about socks on doors, about texts warning of visitors. He pictured an allotted quiet time so he could get some reading done. Nursey imagined weekends rooming with Chowder to give Dex time to cool off, or weekends with Dex rooming with Chowder to give Nursey some space. They were better than they were as frogs, and even better than the year after that, but they still weren’t _great_. Nursey anticipated a lot of pushback, a lot of struggle.

He didn’t expect them to start having sex?

That’s all he’s thinking about now as he lies in his bed, his heart rate evening out, the sweat cooling on his skin. The Haus is quiet and Dex is already back in his own bed, asleep, but Nursey is starting to freak out a little bit.

Not that it was bad sex. Or unwanted sex. He knows that the hockey team can be kind of intense about getting laid but Shitty had a generational impact and they’re super into consent as a whole. So that’s good.

But it was Dex.

It was really good, really hot sex with Poindexter, and Nursey hasn’t any idea how it happened.

* * *

Okay, that’s not true.

He knows how it happened, because it happens pretty much the same way the second time and it’s just as good.

Dex gets back from one of his late classes and Nursey’s still awake, trying to crank out something for his creative writing class. He’s blasting Bon Iver because it creates the atmosphere that he’s trying to echo in his story and maybe he’s a little high because Ollie offered to share and Nursey’s not going to say no to anything that _won’t_ impede his creative process and Dex comes back, annoyed.

“Turn it down,” he says in lieu of greeting.

Naturally, Nursey turns it up. “I’m working,” he says.

Dex frowns. “Stoned?”

“I’m not _stoned_ ,” Nursey says. “I am enlightened.” Dex rolls his eyes and drops his backpack on the ground. Nursey grabs the screen of his laptop and tugs it half-closed so he can focus his attention on Dex. “I didn’t smoke in here,” Nursey tells him. “I know you don’t like it.”

“Well you still smell like weed,” he mutters. He pulls his own laptop out of his bag and sets it on their shared desk. “Who’d you smoke with?”

“Ollie and Wicks,” Nursey tells him. He decides it’s better to not tell Dex about the bong that they’ve got stashed away in the attic. “They offered. I do not have enough willpower to deny free pot.” Dex shakes his head as he settles down, getting right to work. “Would you ever smoke?” he asks.

“I’ve smoked pot before, Nursey,” Dex says. “I’m not a nun.”

Nursey can’t help but laugh. “There’s gotta be some nuns out there who love to blaze it up,” he says.

“God you’re annoying.”

Nursey laughs again, reopening his laptop so he can maybe get back to work. Bon Iver is still blasting so he turns it down, just a few taps, trying to keep the peace.

“Was it here at Samwell?” Nursey pushes. “Or at home?” He can’t stop imagining Dex exhaling smoke and it’s so stupid hot that even the fantasy of it makes his body feel warm.

“Definitely not at home. My parents would kill me if they caught me.”

“So here,” Nursey says. “Okay,” Nursey says with a grin. “So let’s smoke together.”

“It’s Wednesday night,” Dex responds. “I’m not smoking with you on a Wednesday night.”

“This weekend, then.”

Dex’s ears are burning but he shakes his head, stubbornly continuing to work on whatever he’s opened on his computer. “Literally why are you making this a thing.”

Nursey loves the peace they have to maintain, but he loves getting under Dex’s skin more. That’s what he was doing before the last time, too.

“Just trying to figure out if you can do cool smoke tricks. Can you do cool smoke tricks?”

Dex finally huffs, removing his hands from his keyboard and swiveling in his chair to face Nursey. “No I cannot. Can you?” he asks.

“Don’t you want to find out?” Nursey pushes back. He holds Dex’s gaze for a moment. “C’mere, Dex.”

“Huh?”

“Come here!” Dex grumbles but he leaves the desk. Nursey slides to the edge of his bed and Dex settles down beside him while he pulls up YouTube. “I want you…” he says, slowly typing, “to learn how to do this.”

Nursey clicks on a random smoke trick video, having absolutely no idea what they’re about to watch, and can’t fight the smile on his face as Dex looks on with an absolute lack of interest.

“Have I told you,” Dex starts slowly, “that I hate you?”

“Only all the time,” Nursey says with a grin. He feels loose from smoking, his limbs syrupy and his thoughts bright, and the little wrinkle between Dex’s eyebrows is stupid cute. Nursey scoots closer so their legs are pressed side by side, so their shoulders touch. “Don’t you think it would be hot?” Nursey carries on in a low voice, only half-teasing. “I think it’d be hot.”

He loves watching the color rise on Dex’s cheeks in annoyance. He can’t help himself.

Nursey watches as Dex’s eyes focus on the screen for a second before turning to look Nursey directly at Nursey. “You’re such an idiot,” he mutters before leaning up, cupping Nursey’s cheek and tugging him in for a kiss.

Fuck yes.

Nursey practically throws his open laptop on the ground so he can kiss Dex more easily. It’s been two weeks since the last time they did this, the first time, and Nursey’s confusion surrounding the whole thing had slipped into want for something more.

Dex kisses him like he’s been thinking about it too, his hands carefully framing Nursey’s cheeks as they make out, which is just really fucking hot. Dex bites Nursey’s bottom lip and humps forward when Nursey groans and nips his way down Nursey’s throat not quite hard enough to leave a bruise and Nursey is really just desperate for this.

“Homework due?” Nursey rasps when they break apart to pull off their shirts.

“Not until tomorrow night.”

“Chill.” Dex rolls his eyes but then he’s on top of Nursey, straddling Nursey’s hips, pushing him down onto the mattress and grinding down until Nursey’s gasping. “ _Fuck_ , Dex,” he exhales, short.

“Working on it.”

Nursey throws his head back in a laugh and he knows it’s too optimistic to call Dex’s smirk a smile.

They make out for a while. Sloppy, open-mouthed kisses with a bit of heat from Dex. He pins Nursey’s wrists above his head and Nursey lets him and he sucks purple marks near Nursey’s hip bones and Nursey lets him and when he says, “I’m gonna fuck you now,” Nursey lets him. They fumble for lube and condoms and Nursey shoves his fist into his mouth so the whole Haus doesn’t hear his orgasm when it hits.

Dex is all rough hands and unnecessary but welcome strength as he fucks Nursey into the mattress and by the time Nursey comes, pleading for release against Dex’s throat, Bon Iver is still singing in the background. Dex pulls out and lets Nursey tug him to his own release while they make out, spilling out between them all over Nursey’s chest. Dex collapses with his forehead against Nursey’s shoulder, panting.

Once they catch their breath and trade a few more kisses, Dex pulls back. “I’m not learning any smoke tricks,” he says, sounding tight and annoyed as he climbs out of bed.

Nursey sinks down into his mattress and lets his eyes flutter shut. He needs to shower seeing as he’s covered in the both of them, but he’s not sure his legs are working. “We can go to the lake on Saturday,” Nursey murmurs, already half-asleep, still kind of thinking about how hot Dex blowing any kind of smoke will be.

“We’ll see.”

Nursey must fall asleep because he wakes up a few minutes later to a warm rag tossed onto his stomach. He wakes up enough to wipe himself clean and turn off his music before he worms his way down beneath his sheets. When he manages a look at Dex, who’s had his back turned to him since he climbed out of bed, Nursey sees he’s pulled on a pair of sweatpants. He flicks off the lights so Nursey doesn’t have to.

“Dex,” he stage-whispers.

Dex settles down back at their desk. “Go to sleep, Nurse,” he says.

“Mm.” Nursey closes his eyes again. “That sounds good.”

When he wakes in the morning, Dex is already gone, probably downstairs making breakfast with Bitty. Nursey’s body is the best kind of sore, and when he notices he’s still got marks by his hips he can’t help but love them.

So it’s definitely good, consensual sex. Completely. But it is also, very clearly, hate sex.

Nursey thinks that he can live with that.

* * *

They end up by the lake on Saturday by pure happenstance, hanging out with Chowder and Farmer. They weren’t planning to be there, so they don’t have a joint to smoke, but Nursey’s pretty sure Dex doesn’t mind.

Instead the four of them stretch out in the leaves, watching people go by.

It’s an easy afternoon that Nursey can’t help but love. He’s happiest when he’s going with the flow, enjoying the company of others. Even Dex seems to be having a good time.

He’s been a softer version of himself ever since he came out to Nursey and Chowder a few weeks ago. It was after a fight broke out on the ice because someone said something about Bitty. Dex just _swung._ And that night he took Chowder and Nursey into Chowder’s room and said, “Yeah so, I’m gay.”

He proceeded to not make eye-contact as he told the two of them, in as little words possible, about his struggles in his sexuality and how tonight on the ice he just _snapped_. He said he felt like his skin was the wrong size and he wanted to start being open about who he was, both in solidarity but also for himself.

“But I wanted to tell you two first.”

Nursey wasn’t sure what qualified him for First. Maybe being Dex’s roommate. Maybe being his d-man partner. But he was humbled, honestly, that Dex trusted him enough.

When Chowder and Farmer leave the two of them because they’ve got plans with one of Farmer’s friends, Dex and Nursey walk back to the Haus together in comfortable silence.

“We didn’t smoke,” Nursey tells him.

Dex arches an eyebrow at him. “There’s plenty of daylight left.”

Nursey stops walking. “Yeah?”

Dex shrugs. “Why not?” They grab stuff from the Haus and return to the lake, a more secluded part, and Dex watches with what must be feigned interest as Nursey rolls the joint. It’s a warm evening and Dex has his flannel rolled up to his sleeves and Nursey’s stupid attracted to him. “I’m not trying any smoke tricks,” Dex tells him when he catches Nursey looking at him.

Nursey laughs. “Not even for me?”

Dex’s face floods with pink. Nursey tries not to read into it.

It’s a really fucking good joint. They pass it back and forth and talk about how different this year already is and they talk about Bitty as captain and they talk about Jack and the Cup and it’s so easy that Nursey almost forgets they’re not regularly in this place yet.

“Sharing the room hasn’t been bad,” Nursey wonders near the end of it, “right?”

“Not at all,” Dex tells him.

They finish it off and head back for the Haus, standing closer than normal. Every time Nursey’s fingers brush Dex’s he toys with the idea of tangling them together. Just to see what happens.

See, hate sex is fine. But Nursey also really wants a boyfriend.

Not that Dex wants to be a boyfriend.

Or cares at all.

But Nursey’s a great boyfriend. And could be a great boyfriend to Dex.

Fuck, he’s stoned as shit. 

More than once he shakes his head to try and dislodge his thoughts, but they keep coming back to Dex and sex and Dex again and--”Nurse?” Dex asks once they’re back in their room.

Nursey looks up. “Yeah?”

“This was fun,” he says. He might be smiling. Is he smiling?

Nursey certainly is. He perches on the edge of his mattress and beams. “It was,” he agrees. He wants to chirp him or maybe flirt a little but--Dex is hard to win over. He’s not going to push it.

* * *

The next time they hook up, it’s after a particularly devastating loss at an away game.

The loss is totally fucking Nursey’s fault too, even though everyone’s insisting that it’s not. He wasn’t covering his guy well enough and--it’s all just shit.

When Ford tells him he’s rooming with Dex that night, he doesn’t even care. Dex is just going to be pissy about the loss too. Nursey wants to curl into his bed and pull the blankets over his head and blast some sad music and go to sleep.

When they key into the room Nursey throws his shit on the ground and heads for the bathroom to take the longest, coldest shower of his life, when Dex grabs his arm.

“Nurse,” he says quietly, and Nursey waits for the berating. Instead he says, “Tonight wasn’t your fault.”

Nursey yanks his wrist out of Dex’s hold. “Whatever.”

“We all played like shit,” Dex carries on a touch sharper. It sounds like a write-off. “It's hard adjusting to a new team. Stop throwing yourself a pity party.”

“Fuck you, Dex.”

“Maybe we should,” Dex snaps back. “Seems like you fucking need to cool off anyway.”

Nursey’s lips part. “What?”

Dex shrugs, dropping his own bag on the ground. “Better use of our time than you pouting,” he muttered, back turned as he gets his stuff situated. Nursey hesitates. Dex glances over his shoulder. “Well?”

Fuck it.

Nursey strides toward Dex and cups his cheeks and kisses him before he can think too much about it. Dex makes a noise like he’s surprised Nursey’s actually for the idea but kisses him back anyway. And--yeah, this actually is better than a pity party. Nursey eases back into something softer way sooner than he should because as clear as it is what this is, he wants more and he can’t help himself.

Dex doesn’t let it last long. He bites Nursey’s bottom lip, making Nursey groan, and pushes him backwards toward the nearest bed. When Nursey bumps into the mattress he lowers himself down and scrambles backwards. Dex reaches down, crossing his arms in front of him so he can pull his shirt up and over his head, Nursey literally salivates.

“Have I ever told you how fucking hot you are?” Nursey asks.

“Shut the fuck up Nursey,” Dex mutters, climbing into bed too.

They make out for a while before Nursey feels Dex getting hard against him. He presses his hand over Dex’s sweats and Dex chokes out a noise while rolling his hips forward. For half a moment, Nursey thinks about whoever’s in the room on the other side of the wall, but then Dex is shoving down Nursey’s pants and nipping at Nursey’s hip bone and Nursey moans, uncaring.

“You’re so easy,” Dex chirps, but he almost sounds fond, and Nursey whines. “I’ve barely even touched you.”

“ _Dex_ ,” he pleads.

Dex chuckles warmly before taking Nursey into his mouth and Nursey isn’t sure which part of that is hotter. He grips the sheets beneath him to stop himself from rolling his hips forward but Dex is so fucking _good_ at this Nursey nearly does it anyway. It’s wet and filthy and he’s gripping the base of Nursey’s cock and lapping at the underside and fuck fuck _fuck--_

Dex pulls off.

“I hate you,” Nursey chokes. “I’m so fucking close. I hate you so much, oh my God, Dex.”

Dex laughs again and it’s so fucking sweet. “Gimme a sec,” Dex murmurs before stealing a kiss. “I’ll get to it.”

“You’re punishing me,” Nursey gasps as Dex pumps him slowly. “This is punishment.”

“I’m not punishing you,” Dex mutters, “I’m getting a condom so this can be better.”

“Go faster.”

Dex brushes his thumb gently over the head of Nursey’s cock and Nursey’s hips jump. He turns his head into the pillows while Dex hops off the bed to dig around his bag. He finds what he’s looking for quickly and Nursey can’t help but wonder if he’d been thinking about the possibility of this--the possibility of the two of _them_ together on a roadie--or if he was just prepared for sex no matter who it was with.

He kind of really hopes Dex isn’t doing this with anyone else.

“Dex,” Nursey rasps as he climbs back into bed. “Let me touch you.”

“Please,” Dex exhales, and for the first time all night he sounds affected. Nursey shoves Dex’s sweats down and grabs the lube from his hand before finally getting his hands on Dex’s dick. Dex pitches forward with a strangled shout, forehead against Nursey’s, eyes closed. “Fuck, Nurse, _your hands_.”

Nursey arches up for a kiss. “Good?”

“So fucking good. Always so fucking good.”

Nursey wants to swallow every pleased noise that Dex makes. He slips his tongue into Dex’s mouth while he tugs Dex’s cock until it’s totally hard and then Dex breaks away and turns, shoving Nursey down onto the mattress.

“Okay?” Dex asks.

Nursey feels drunk. “Anything,” he says. “Always.”

It takes a bit longer for Dex to actually fuck Nursey but by the time he’s inside, Nursey’s desperate. He rakes his hands down Dex’s back and tries to wrap his legs around Dex to get him closer or deeper or _something_ because even though they’re together like this Nursey still wants so much more.

 _Tonight wasn’t your fault_ , Dex had said about their loss, and yet here he is, fucking Nursey into their hotel room bed like it was. Dex bites Nursey’s shoulder and Nursey’s chest burns and his hands scramble to cup Dex’s cheeks because he wants it to be softer than this. He feels hot and angry sure but he kisses Dex gently because there’s a part of him that’s aching from how poorly they played tonight.

He wants more than sex--Nursey wants comfort. Specifically, comfort from Dex, who won’t give it to him.

But then Dex whimpers against his mouth and Nursey nearly cries at the sound of it. He drinks from Dex’s lips and Dex lets him. The roll of his hips slows and instead of simply being fucked, they’re just fucking each other, delicious and slow and this is much better.

This is what he wants all the time.

“Just like that, Will,” Nursey whines.

“ _Fuck_.”

Nursey’s too caught up in how fucking _good_ he feels to think about the fact that he just called Dex _Will_ during sex which is both more fond and more familiar than they’ve ever been during this arrangement of theirs. But Dex doesn’t comment on it, he just keeps mouthing his way around Nursey’s throat like he actually wants to leave a hickey somewhere other people could see it.

“Leave a mark,” Nursey pleads, eyes closed. Dex is breathless and Nursey’s breathless and Dex latches his mouth onto Nursey’s neck, teeth grazing his skin. “C’mon, baby, do it.” Dex sucks hard. Nursey gasps. “ _Yes_.”

When Dex finally pulls away from Nursey he studies the mark before leaning up and kissing him, surprisingly soft. Nursey melts into it, hands dragging down Dex’s back again trying to feel every inch of his skin.

They kiss some more, gentler than before, and Nursey tries not to let himself forget what this is. But it’d be so _easy_. This is more intimate than they’ve ever been doing this. First names and hickeys and so many kisses, traded like secrets.

“Are you close?” Dex asks, wrapping his hand around Nursey’s cock again, and Nursey jerks his head forward. He’s been close this whole time, only holding off because he’s wanted more. “Just let go,” Dex murmurs against Nursey’s mouth. “Derek,” he pants.

Nursey comes and it is fucking glorious. He spills between them, on Dex’s chest, on his own, and moments later Dex cries out too. Their kisses shift, teetering somewhere between lazy and desperate, teeth again teeth.

This is a goddamn mess.

When Dex pulls out Nursey tries to swallow his groan. “Fuck,” he exhales.  

“Feel better now?” Dex mumbles as he climbs off of him. He ties off the condom and starts to clean up as Nursey, as per usual, starts to melt into the sheets.

“So much,” Nursey breathes. He’s going to sleep so fucking well tonight. “Don’t you?” Dex doesn’t answer. Nursey waits a beat but there’s nothing. He cracks open his eyes, scanning the room. Half-asleep, Nursey forces himself to sit up. “Will?” he asks.

“Don’t,” Dex mutters. “I’m gonna shower.”

“ _Dex_ ,” Nursey calls out, and Dex pauses in the doorway of the bathroom. Still, he doesn’t turn to look at him. “Sorry I fucked up during the game,” he says again.

Dex finally glances over his shoulder, looking confused, and maybe a little annoyed. “I already told you it that it wasn’t your fault,” he says. “I’ll be quick if you want to get in after me.” Nursey tries not to let too much confusion bleed onto his own face. It’s chill. He can be chill. He knows what this is. “Sorry about your neck,” he says.

Nursey’s hand flies up, covering a mark that he can’t see. “How bad is it?”

Dex wrinkles his nose. “The team’s gonna see,” he says.

“I’ll figure out something to say,” Nursey tells him, because Dex isn’t out yet, and telling the whole fucking team that they’re having hate-sex is maybe not the best way for that proclamation. Dex turns on his heel and marches back into the bathroom, leaving Nursey on his own.

He listens until the shower running before he pulls out his phone. First he opens Snapchat so he can see what it is that Dex really did, and _hell yeah_ that’s hot. He’s going to see if Dex can start leaving marks on him every time. Down his chest and across his hips and wherever he can get his lips.

But then he pulls up his texts and types one out before he can even think about it.

 **Nurse  
** did you and holster ever fuck around?

 **Ransom**  
are you and dex fucking  
please say yes  
holtz is about to owe me so much goddamn money

 **Nurse**  
how did you figure that out so fast  
It’s just hate sex  
and you didn’t answer the question  
and you can’t tell anyone  
except holtz  
get that money  
but then he can’t tell anyone

 **Ransom**  
HELL YEA NURSEY MY BOY  
people always complain abt sharing rooms but IT’S NOT THAT BAD  
WHEN THERE  
IS SEX  
INVOLVED

 **Nurse**  
lmao so that’s a yes  
probably wasn’t hate sex tho

 **Ransom  
** never was never will be

 **Nurse**  
noice  
hot

 **Ransom**  
he really is i know  
it’s devastating

 **Nurse**  
can’t believe how cute this is i wanna yell  
how do i learn from your d-men wisdom  
what if i don’t just want hate sex with dex  
what if i want normal sex  
sex with dex

 **Ransom**  
TELL HIM BRO  
LITERALLY JUST TELL HIM  
swear to god holtz and i wasted so much time bc we weren’t communicating  
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME NURSEY

Nursey’s chest is tight with feelings. He shoots off another message to Rans before climbing out of bed and crossing to the small sink in their room. He grabs his shirt from the floor and runs it under the faucet so he has something to wipe himself clean. There’s no way he’s going to be able to shower tonight.

By the time Dex gets out of the shower, Nursey’s nearly asleep.

Maybe he’ll figure out something to say to Dex tomorrow.

* * *

“So. What’s going on with you and Dex?” Chowder asks.

Nursey freezes with his fork halfway to his mouth. Slowly, he lowers his fork back down to his place. “Whatcha mean, C?” he asks.

It’s just the two of them for lunch today and the dining hall is mostly empty, but Nursey feels like someone else is listening in.

Chowder rolls his eyes. “I feel like you’ve forgotten that we pretty much share a wall, Nursey.”

 _Welp_.

They might’ve had sex again last night. After their night in the hotel a couple of weeks ago Nursey’s gotten _a lot_ worse at keeping his mouth shut. Dex is just so fucking good at what he does. With his hands, with his tongue. It’s stupid and Nursey’s loud and they’ve gotten careless.

“Uhhh.”

Chowder swirls his pasta on his fork. “I am just,” he starts, then stops. He takes a bite. Swallows. “I’m just unsure how you two would like me to handle? Whatever it is? You’re doing? I can ignore it if you’d rather me ignore it. But I wanted you to know I know.”

“We’re not doing anything,” Nursey says, and winces, because _they share a wall_. “C.”

“Yes?”

“Shit.” Something on Chowder’s face cracks and he smiles a little. It makes the moment so much lighter. “I don’t know,” Nursey mutters, looking down at his plate. “Have you talked to him?” he wonders.

Chowder barks out a laugh. “You want me to have a conversation with Dex about the sex I hear you two having? Nursey, come on!” Nursey would’ve thought the same thing up until a few months ago when they started doing this. “No way. Figured I’d ask you first.”

“It’s just sex,” Nursey says, because that’s true.

“Sounds like more than that,” Chowder hums.

Nursey needs to shut the fuck up in bed. Muttering _yes baby fuck that’s so fucking good you know just how I like it_ into Dex’s neck turned into gasps and pleas and--

“Okay,” Nursey says. Chowder arches an eyebrow. “It’s just _hate_ sex,” he elaborates. Chowder snorts. “It is!” This last time started because Nursey was typing too loud, apparently, and Dex made some comment about his hands, and then one thing led to another and suddenly he had a finger or two inside of Dex. No big deal.

“It doesn’t _sound_ like hate sex,” Chowder says, beaming like he knows something that Nursey doesn’t. But that’s the thing. Nursey knows how he feels. So he’s already in on the secret.

“It’s not. I mean.” He sinks backwards in his seat. “Not for me.”

Chowder’s smile fades. “Oh shit.”

“Yeap.”

“Oh--fuck. Nursey!”

“ _I know_ ,” Nursey exhales. “But that’s all it is for him, and--” he can’t look Chowder in the eye. “Sorry you had to hear.”

“I’ve got headphones,” Chowder says with a shrug. Nursey’s got some great goddamn friends. “And--just hold on. I’m still not entirely sold on the hate part of the hate sex?” He waits until Nursey looks up at him before he says anything else. “Dex doesn’t hate you. I mean--not like he used to, anyway.”

“Maybe not,” Nursey agrees. “But we always fight before. So the sex is definitely that.”

Chowder nods like he’s accepting this. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Nursey echoes.

“But you want more.”

Nursey shoves his tray away from him with a groan. “I don’t even know how it fucking happened,” Nursey says. Never in his life did he think that he’d want to be in a serious committed relationship with Dex of all people. “Like--C, I _like_ him.”

“Hmm.” Chowder smiles. “Life is so weird.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Are you going to say something?” Chowder asks. “Like, for realsies?”

Nursey snorts. He can’t help himself. “Probably not,” he says. Because what’s the point?

This is clearly something different to Dex, and that’s fine. It _sucks_ , but it’s fine. Nursey knew what he was getting into. There’s no way that Dex would ever look at Nursey and think, yeah, we should actually date. This arrangement is to blow off steam, for convenience, no matter what Nursey wishes it was.

“Why not?” Chowder asks.

“Because I don’t want to hear what he has to say.”

“But what if he wants what you want?” Chowder pushes. Before Nursey can argue, Chowder holds up his hands. “You guys are my best friends, is all,” he says. “I just want you happy.”

Nursey thinks on it for a second, but in the end it doesn’t matter. He knows he’s not going to say anything.

“Can we just…” Nursey sighs, and Chowder lowers his hands. “Can we not talk about it?”

“Sure, Nursey,” Chowder says. “If that’s what you want.”

* * *

After class that day, Nursey gets home to his empty room. Dex won’t be back for a while because he’s got some late classes, but Nursey’s totally gotta tell him that Chowder’s heard them having sex.

It will probably cause them to never have sex again. But. Dex should know.

Nursey throws his backpack onto the floor with a groan before collapsing into bed. He’s got homework he could work on and a paper he could start but a nap sounds better. Maybe it’ll help him settle everything in his head.

The Haus is quiet with most everyone out, so it doesn’t take Nursey long to fall asleep. When he wakes up to the sound of a slamming door maybe twenty minutes or so later, he gets up long enough to stumble to the bathroom and get a cup of water. When he makes it back to his room he hesitates, and then climbs into Dex’s bed.

It’s not like Dex is here anyway.

His pillows smell like him and Nursey falls asleep, thinking about how totally screwed he is.

The next time he wakes up, it’s because Dex is home. “Nurse?”

“Mmmf.” Nursey buries his face into Dex’s pillows, trying to cling to sleep as long as he can.

“You comfy?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Your bed’s literally right there,” Dex says, and Nursey frowns where Dex can’t see. He’s not ready for Dex to get all grumpy with him about personal space. “You smoke with Ollie and Wicks again or something?”

“Chowder heard us fucking,” Nursey answers. His throat is dry from his nap and it’s harder to open his eyes than he thought it would be.

Dex stops by the edge of his bed. “What?”

“We got lunch and he asked me about it,” Nursey murmurs. Finally he opens his eyes and Dex is standing there, expression guarded. He’s totally pissed as hell.

“What’d he say?” Dex asks, voice even.

“Just wanted to know what was going on,” Nursey tells him, sitting up.

“What’d you tell him?”

Nursey doesn’t want to think too much about the specifics. “Look,” Nursey rushes. “This is my fault.” Dex blinks a few times, eyebrows pulling together. “C won’t mention it. Okay?”

“What did you tell him, Nursey?”

“The truth!” he bursts. “It’s just sex, and he just didn’t know how to navigate the conversation, so that’s--” Dex groans, turning away from him and pressing his hands to his face. “I’m sorry,” Nursey pushes on. Dex just paces. “Like I said, it’s my fault, and--”

“Shut _up_ , Nursey, holy fuck.” This is so over. Nursey knows this is over. He’s thinking about how over it is when Dex takes a deep breath and turns back to face him. “Well I don’t love that,” Dex mutters.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.”

“So what do you--” Nursey starts, but Dex strides across the room to him and cups his cheeks before kissing him, and. Maybe this isn’t over? “But C--” Nursey tries.

“He’s not home,” Dex murmurs against his mouth.

Which is essentially code for: we just have to be more careful.

Dex leans forward and pushes Nursey back against his bed, the two of them scrambling to get up onto the mattress together while Nursey slides his hands into Dex’s hair.

“I’ll be better,” Nursey gasps.

Dex snorts. “Yeah right.” He nips at Nursey’s throat. “You can’t be quiet to save your life.”

“Dex--”

“It’s fine.” It doesn’t _feel_ fine. Nursey pulls back just a touch, worry strewn across his face, and Dex groans. “Jesus, Derek, it’s fine! I’ve always known you don’t know how to keep your fucking mouth shut, okay?”

“You sure?”

“Yes! Now Chowder’s class is over in like an hour so can we--”

Nursey laughs wildly, tugging Dex back in for a kiss. Something about all of this feels desperate and greedy, mostly because Nursey didn’t think he’d have the chance to _do_ this again. He thought Dex would be mad--and not the normal kind of mad that induces the hate sex, but the kind of mad that prevents the hate sex from ever happening again. Feeling Dex’s mouth against his own has him shuddering with relief, drinking longer from his lips to savor it just in case.

Dex’s legs fall around Nursey’s hips and he twists forward just enough to make Nursey moan. “So good,” Nursey murmurs, trying to keep his voice down.

“You’re still too easy, Nurse,” Dex chirps, grinding forward again.

“It’s just you,” Nursey exhales, unthinking.

It’s not like Nursey’s just hot for sex with anyone. The fact that it’s Dex here, Dex pressed against him, Dex kissing his way across Nursey’s neck. Of course he’s hard already, all Dex has to do is look at him and he’s needy.

Dex slides his fingers across the base of Nursey’s neck, into his hair. He pulls back a touch and Nursey chases him, not wanting him to get too far. But there’s something else here than the usual bite, there’s hesitation. Nursey bumps his nose against Dex’s gently before pulling back just enough to give him space.

“We can stop,” Nursey says, because that’s got to be it. Even though he said he was fine, Dex must be thinking about every creak his bed is making and every breathy moan that Nursey can’t swallow. “I _know_ I’m shit at keeping my mouth shut,” Nursey adds with a little laugh, trying to give Dex an out.

He doesn’t take it. “It’s not that.”

It’s not that.

“What’s wrong?” Nursey pushes, breathless. If something’s wrong enough that Dex is hesitating, they should talk about it. He presses his hand to Dex’s hip. “Hey.”

Dex tilts his chin up to kiss him. “It’s.” Dex closes his eyes. “I thought maybe you.” Dex takes a deep breath. “Maybe we could switch this time,” he says.

Nursey blinks a few times. “You want--?”

“I want you to fuck me, yeah.”

Holy shit. Okay.

“Okay,” Nursey gasps, voice small. He presses forward to kiss him because he doesn’t know how else to affirm in a way that isn’t overwhelming how badly he wants this. “Hell yeah, Dex. I--yeah, anything.”

Dex’s eyes flutter shut. “I haven’t…”

Nursey just nods into the next kiss. Yes. Yes, forever. Yes, again and again and again. He kisses Dex and leans forward, pressing him down onto the mattress slowly. “I’ll take care of you,” Nursey promises. “We’ll start slow. Are you sure about this?”

Nursey needs him to be sure.

Dex kisses him. “Yeah.”

“ _Dex_.”

“Jesus, Nursey,” he croaks, voice thick. “I’ve been thinking about it. I’m really fucking sure.”

He’s been thinking about it? Nursey moans into the next kiss, already hard, and Dex still hasn’t even touched him. Dex’s hands scramble up over Nursey’s back before finally snagging the fabric and tugging it off. Nursey moves just as quickly to get Dex out of his own shirt, to feel the two of them against one another, skin against skin.

They’ve been working up to this, Nursey realizes. With tongues and fingers. The thought of what Dex must’ve been thinking makes Nursey roll his hips forward. Dex whimpers into his mouth.

“Derek,” Dex pleads.

Nursey wants to take his time, wants to make this good for both of them so badly, but he really has no fucking idea how long he’s going to last. He mouths his way across Dex’s throat while they fumble with their pants, laughing breathlessly at the struggle to get them off. Nursey’s easier because he’s wearing sweats but Dex’s jeans are a bit more work.

When Nursey rolls them, pinning Dex beneath him, Dex looks positively sinful. His lips are swollen and his eyes are dark and his hair is mused and Nursey _wants._

The whole go is hot and slow and burns like molten lava in Nursey’s chest. They use more lube than normal after grabbing a condom and they take their time and by the time that Nursey’s inside Dex he can barely utter full words. He ends up somewhere by Dex’s neck, sucking and kissing and licking his way across wherever he can get his mouth. Dex feels so good, _so good_ , Nursey can’t think about anything other than the idea of having this forever.

For the first time in all of this Dex has a mouth of his own. The amount of short gasps of _yes_ and _there_ and _Derek please_ is out of control. They make out, groaning into one another’s mouth. Their hands wander, over one another’s arms, their backs. There’s something soft about all of this because it’s Nursey controlling the pace.

The roll of his hips is still slow. He wraps his hand around Dex’s cock and tugs between them, listening to the new needful sound that Dex makes.

When Nursey exhales about needing to come Dex wraps himself further around Nursey and begs for it and it’s so fucking hot that he barely lasts another second. Dex still hasn’t come so once Nursey’s finished, pulled out and cleaned up, he kisses his way down Dex’s chest and takes Dex in his mouth.

“You’re too much,” Dex gasps, gripping the blankets beneath him. “Always too much, I can’t--” Dex cries. “ _Derek_ \--”

After Nursey swallows he climbs back up and they wind themselves around one another. Their kisses are familiar and lazy and _again_ Nursey thinks of how much he wants this all the time.

“You okay?” Nursey finally asks, pulling back enough to let Dex breathe.

His eyelids are heavy and he looks bone-tired, but his smile is soft. “Yeah,” Dex whispers.

“It was good?” he asks, snatching another kiss.

“Always is with you,” Dex murmurs. Nursey has to kiss him again. “Was great, Nurse,” he carries on.

Nursey cups his cheek. “Cool.” He smiles a little into the next kiss. “Should we talk about…” he trails off, unsure what it is he wants to ask. Dex blinks a few times but it’s clear he’s tired, and he’s probably going to be sore whenever it is he wakes up. “Safety?” Nursey finally asks, stumbling over the question he really wants to ask.

“Do you think we’re not being safe?” Dex asks, confused, sleepy.

“No, I just--sometimes when there are other people--”

“I’m not doing this with anyone else,” Dex tells him, eyes closing, and Nursey can’t stop to think about what that means without reading into it. “So you don’t have to worry about me.”

Nursey swallows. It’s not what he wanted to ask, but it’s something. “Me neither,” he says.

Dex hums. He slides his hand over Nursey’s hip and tugs him a touch closer. “Think I’m asleep,” Dex murmurs.

Nursey leans in, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

There’s more he wants to say, but he doesn’t.

* * *

Something changes between them.

Nursey doesn’t know if it’s because of the sex or because Chowder knows, but something _definitely_ changes between them. Dex hardly meets Nursey’s gaze these days. They’re not clicking on the ice anymore. He starts coming home later and later, almost as though he’s hoping Nursey’s asleep by the time he gets in.

Three weeks pass and Nursey’s going out of his skin.

Dex is at their shared desk tonight and Nursey’s in bed, trying to squeeze out a poem for one of his creative writing classes. When his brain stumbles his fingers pause and he scans the room, searching for something for inspiration, and Dex is there.

He’s not holding tension in his shoulders which means he must be working on something he enjoys. He tilts his head, just a bit, getting his neck to crack, and Nursey’s eyes linger on the pale stretch of his skin. Something burns in his chest and he thinks about mouthing his way over Dex’s neck and snaps his computer shut.

“Dex,” he says.

“Mm.”

“What’re you working on?” he asks.

Dex turns, eyes only finding Nursey for a moment before returning to the screen. “Some science thing,” he says.

Nursey drums his fingers on his computer. “‘Bout what?” he asks.

“It’s due in the morning.”

“That’s not what I asked.” Dex types some more. “You almost done?”

“Not really,” Dex mutters.

“Take a break,” Nursey says. “Ollie gave me some green, we can--”

Dex cuts him off, “No.”

Nursey grabs a balled up piece of paper from one of his disasters of a creative spiral and tosses it at Dex, hitting him on the shoulder. “Will,” he calls. Dex’s eyes snap over to him. “Talk to me, I feel like I don’t know what’s going on in your life anymore.”

“Nurse, I’ve really got to finish this,” he says, frustrated. Nursey tosses another piece of paper at him with a smirk. “Can you stop?” Dex hisses.

Nursey knows that he’s in rare form but he can’t help himself. He’s acting like a frog again, pissing Dex off just because he can, because he knows how much it gets under his skin. He tosses another wad of paper.

“Talk to me, Dexy.”

“I told you I have to work on this,” Dex says.

Another piece of paper. “Dex.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you today?” Dex snaps, swatting it away. “Jesus Christ, Nursey, I’m seriously trying to get some work done.”

Nursey talks without thinking. “Sometimes when you get pissed at me you fuck me,” he says.

Dex whirls around, mouth opening in surprise. They’ve never _really_ put words to it. The closest the got was talking about Chowder knowing, and even then it wasn’t really defined.

“So you wanted me to be pissed at you so I would fuck you?” Dex asks, and the irritation in his voice is palpable.

“I mean that’s all hate sex ever is.”

Dex’s face goes scary neutral. Dex is never neutral.

“Hate sex,” he says. It’s not a question. It’s just an echo of what was previously stated. His voice is monotonous. Like he’s starting a fact. And he is, because that’s what this has always been. “Because I hate you,” he says, still void of feeling.

“You only tell me all the time,” Nursey tosses back. He suddenly feels himself getting angry, too. Why is Dex acting like this is news? They get in fights and then they have sex. That’s hate sex. “C’mon Dex we both know what this is. We can be adults and name it.”

Dex slams his laptop shut. “I never fucked you while I was angry,” he snaps.

“Oh, bull fucking shit!”

“Not at you,” Dex adds sharply. “So let’s just fucking forget it, okay Nurse?” He slides his laptop under his arm and marches for the door. “I’m going to the library. I actually have shit I have to do.”

Dex is out the door before Nursey can remember how to breathe.

 _Not at you_.

The sound of the door slamming echoes through the Haus and then Nursey’s standing in their room alone.

* * *

They’ve definitely been having hate sex.

Right?

Like, something happens. An argument appears. They snap at each other for a little bit. Then there’s sex. That’s hate sex. Or, like, anger sex. Tension sex?

If they haven’t been having hate sex then what the fuck is going on?

Nursey paces their room before giving up and heading for Chowder’s room. He and Farmer are in there but Farmer’s at his desk, and Chowder’s nearly asleep in bed.

“Hey Derek,” Farmer greets.

“Sup.”

“Chris has been complaining about his test tomorrow all night but not actually studying,” she tells him. Chowder groans into his pillows. “How about you?”

“Uhhh.” Nursey wasn’t anticipating Farmer to be here. “I have to talk to Chowder about a thing.”

“Is it the sex with Dex thing?” Farmer asks, returning to her computer. “Because I know about that.”

“C!”

“I’m sorry!” Chowder flings his pillow off of his head. “But I couldn’t talk to _you_ about it!” he huffs. “She’s got rights!”

“She _does_ have rights,” Nursey agrees, “but not to know about that!”

“Well too late,” Farmer says. “What’s up?”

Nursey clicks the door shut behind him and leans against it. “I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t know what’s going on. I’m so fucking confused.”

Chowder sits up, worry filling his face. “What happened?” he asks.

Nursey loves and trusts Chowder too much (and by extension Farmer, because she’s actually pretty cool) to get embarrassed about details, so he just tells the story. He figures he’s gotta loop Farmer into specifics anyhow. He talks about the arguing and the sex, he talks about the last time they were together, he talks about their fight.

Farmer’s mouth quirks to the side. “And you think this is hate sex?” she asks.

Chowder presses his lips together to keep himself from making a face.

“It is,” Nursey insists.

“Why do you think that?”

“Because the first time!” he bursts. Farmer and Chowder exchange a look. “The first time we did this,” Nursey says, as evenly as he can. “He told me that he hated me.”

“What was the context?” Farmer pushes. “What did he _really_ say?”

Nursey thinks.

It was two days after he’d come out to Chowder and Nursey, three after the fight that broke out on the ice. Nursey had just gotten back from a QSU meeting and Dex was sprawled out in his bed, on his phone.

“Hey,” Nursey greeted. Dex barely looked at him. “I, uh, meant to invite you tonight,” he said. “To QSU. They’ve got these nice welcome events every month--maybe we could go to the next one?”

Dex lowered his phone. “I don’t wanna do that.”

“Yeah, okay. Just figured I’d offer.”

Dex was quiet for a second. “How’d you know?” he asked. “That you were…”

“Pan?” Nursey offered, kicking off his shoes. “Trial and error, I guess. Knew I liked girls, figured out I liked guys, realized I just kinda liked people.” He flung his bag onto his bed. “Lotta Google.”

“And your parents?” he asked.

Nursey shrugged. “As long as I’m a productive member of society, they don’t really care what I do with my dick.”

Dex rolled his eyes. “It’s always so fucking easy for you,” Dex said, but he didn’t sound angry like he normally did. He just sounded tired. “You like boys, you like girls, you like whoever, it doesn’t matter. And then your parents don’t care anyway.” He reached up, rubbing one of his eyes with the heel of his hand. “Of course they don’t care.”

“I mean, they _care_ ,” Nursey said defensively.

“You know what I mean,” Dex muttered. “My family’s gonna have a fucking field day and here you are, winging your way through life and doing just fine.”

“I’m sorry that you hate literally everything about me,” Nursey had muttered, something under his skin starting to itch. Nursey coming to terms with his sexuality hadn’t been _easy_. Sure, some aspects of it weren’t so bad, but it was still scary as shit. Just because things were working out didn’t mean it didn’t have its bumps. “But this is who I am, dude. I’m chill and I like _people_ and I exude positive energy and maybe that’s why the world has been kind to me. You could give it a try and see where it takes you.”

Dex scoffed. “See? And like that, you just make it so simple.”

“Sometimes it’s simple,” Nursey tossed back.

“And what,” Dex snapped, “you don’t think I put _good energy_ out into the world? I’m just this total asshole and the world treats me as such because of it?”

“That’s not what I said,” Nursey muttered.

“It was implied!” Dex shouted, climbing out of bed in a huff. “And--fuck that, Nurse, because if I’m an asshole it’s only because the world made me this way. Not the other way around.”

“Nobody said you were an asshole!” Nursey huffed. “Why are you always putting words in my mouth?” He remembered being so fucking angry, because for once he and Dex had something that they could find a common ground on. And then he had the audacity to turn it into something dirty? “I think you work hard, Dex,” Nursey snapped. “I think you make the best of a lot of shitty situations. I think you actually care _a lot_ about people. So--that’s not even--fuck. Forget it.”

He turned to leave, ready to give Dex the room for the space that he clearly needed, when Dex strode forward and gripped his wrist. Nursey turned to look at him and Dex was red in the face.

“You make me so fucking angry sometimes,” Dex forced out.

When they kissed, it was all teeth, and Nursey could feel the fire. He only hesitated for a moment before he thought that maybe this was what they needed and kissed Dex back. It wasn’t a kiss of kindness, not at all. It wasn’t sweet or soft. There hadn’t been any confusion in this kiss--it was ferocious.

But there were moments that might have constituted as softer, snuck between layers of sharp teeth and tugging hands. A kiss to the clavicle. A sigh. Gentle whispers again and again to make sure it was okay. Nursey’s fingers combing through Dex’s hair. Dex’s lips against Nursey’s inner wrist.

It wasn’t the hottest sex that Nursey had ever had but there was something about being in the Haus, something about it being _Dex_ , that made his body burn. To feel the hands of the man that he played beside all of these years on his skin, rough and calloused but surprisingly gentle, had left Nursey undone. And, hell, it certainly calmed things down between them.

It was a little awkward when they finished up but Nursey managed to clear the air. “I guess you don’t hate me _all_ that much, huh?” he chirped with a grin.

“Shuddup, Nurse,” Dex muttered, but Nursey laughed, and Dex eased, and the tension drifted away. They cleaned up. Dex turned out the lights and climbed into his own bed.

The panic set in for Nursey a few minutes later.

The next day it was like it’d never happened.

* * *

After talking with Chowder and Farmer a little bit more, Nursey finally makes his way back to his room. He never heard Dex come home but when he gets there, Dex is asleep, curled toward the wall with his back facing out. Nursey stays as quiet as he can and gets in his own bed.

It takes him longer to fall asleep.

He can’t stop thinking about the possibility of Dex _actually_ wanting to be with him.

Nursey refuses to get his hopes up but he can’t stop toying with the idea. The two of them in bed together. Holding hands on walks to Faber. Soft, early morning kisses with no excuse as to why they should stop. Nursey wants to thread his fingers into Dex’s hair and kiss him until his lips are swollen and call him his boyfriend, loud and proud so everyone knows he’s not ashamed.

If Chowder and Farmer are right then there’s a chance that it could happen, but Nursey’s still afraid.

He finally falls asleep after listening to some ASMR and when he wakes in the morning, Dex is gone. He waits until afternoon to text him.

 **Nursey  
** can we talk?

He knows that Dex is done for the day but will probably be in the library with Chowder. No one else in the Haus is really home.

 **Dex  
** About what?

 **Nursey**  
c’mon dex  
i’m in our room wya?

 **Dex  
** Library.

There’s a long time before he gets another text.

 **Dex  
** On my way.

Nursey paces until Dex arrives. When the door is pushed open, Nursey freezes in his step. Dex enters quickly, shutting the door behind him as though they’re not the only two in the house. Still, it makes their space seem smaller, makes them feel so much closer.

“Hey,” Nursey greets.

Dex drops his backpack by the door. “You wanted to talk?” he responds.

Now that Dex is here, standing in front of him, Nursey wishes he’d thought of something to say. “Listen,” he starts. “About yesterday--”

“Save it,” Dex stops him. “It’s--fine. I just had shit to do.”

Nursey drops his gaze. This isn’t going to be as easy as he wants. “Dex--”

“Is that why I’m here?” he asks. “You wanted to ‘talk’?”

Nursey looks back up to him. “No, of course not.”

“Because that’d be fine,” Dex says, stepping toward him. “I get what this is now, Nursey.”

“Do you?” Nursey asks, because he’s not even sure that he understands what they’re doing at this point. Dex closes the distance between them for his answer, cupping Nursey’s cheeks and kissing him with enough fire to burn down a nation. “Dex,” Nursey gasps.

“No one’s home,” Dex murmurs.

“I actually want to--” Dex bites Nursey’s lip and heat blooms in his chest but Nursey pulls back. “Hey.” He leans in slow, bumping his nose against Dex’s. “Chill for a sec,” Nursey exhales. “Not so rough.”

Dex’s face’s shifts, eyes widening. “Nurse--”

Nursey kisses him again, as gentle as he can, and Dex melts into his hands. Nursey needs to find a way to have this conversation and if Dex wants to start here, they might as well start here. Nursey turns them until he’s guiding Dex backwards toward Dex’s bed. When Dex slides backwards, pulling Nursey with him, there’s more heat in it.

Nursey pulls back again. “Slow down,” he whispers, half a plea and half an order.

Dex’s eyes widen again but he doesn’t say anything. They look glossy, distant. Nursey leans in again and kisses him thoughtfully, easing Dex into the mattress.

“Nursey,” Dex pleads. “I--I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t do it this way.”

Nursey brushes his thumb across Dex’s jawline. “What do you mean?” he whispers. Dex’s eyes flutter shut and Nursey leans in to kiss him. “Is it bad?”

“No,” Dex chokes out. Nursey kisses him again, swallows the desperate whine that Dex makes as he settles in. “Derek,” he exhales once he’s finally far enough away.

Nursey wastes no time, leaning in to trail kisses down his throat. “Tell me,” he whispers.

Dex’s hands fly up and press lightly along Nursey’s back. “It’s too…”

“Too?”

“Sweet,” Dex whispers. “Please.”

Nursey pulls back again. He looks at Dex for a long time before exhaling deeply. He has to tell him the truth, even if he’s reading all of this wrong.

“This is what I want,” Nursey murmurs.

So many things flash on Dex’s face before confusion settles in. “What?” Nursey pulls back further. “You told me what this was,” Dex rushes, eyebrows drawn together. “You said--”

“I know what I said,” Nursey hurries, trying to get Dex to understand why it is he wanted to talk. “But this is what I _want_. It’s what I’ve wanted this whole time.” Dex in quiet moments, Dex with softer kisses, Dex when it isn’t means for an escape. “I want you, all the time. And this, and I _have_ but I thought you hated me--”

“I thought you pitied me,” Dex cuts him off. Nursey’s lips part in surprise. “I thought you were just fucking around. And then when you said hate-sex…” he shakes his head like he doesn’t believe it. “Maybe you knew how I…” Dex swallows. “How I felt.”

“How you felt?” Nursey rasps. “This whole time?”

“Derek, please don’t make me do this. Not if--” Dex’s voice falters. “Not if you don’t feel the same.”

“Will, I want to be with you,” Nursey breaks. “I want to take it slow. I want all of these… these _moments_.” Dex’s eyes fall shut and Nursey leans in, his forehead against Dex’s, their noses brushing past one another. “This. You. I feel the same.”

There’s a pause where Dex just looks at him, eyes wide and wet, full of terror. But then something on his face shifts and he caves, leaning in to kiss Nursey with an urgency that they’ve never had before. Dex winds his arms around him lovingly, carefully, gliding carefully over Nursey’s sides, his back in an effort to drag him closer. Nursey can’t stop smiling so the kiss is hardly a kiss but it’s the best one that they’ve ever shared, full of understanding and relief and hope for something better.

All this time he’s thought that this was an impossibility, actually _being_ with Dex, Dex wanting to be with him.

Nursey shifts, his hips up against Dex’s, and Dex groans. He drops his head backwards against the pillows and Nursey pulls back with a smile.

“Okay?” Nursey asks.

Dex is still wide-eyed, but he nods. “Yeah, Nurse. Just give me a second.” Finally, a smile erupts on Dex’s face, and Nursey’s stomach feels like the sky on the 4th of July. “I just need a second,” Dex says again, voice softer, still smiling.

He lifts his hand to his cover his face for a second before dragging it through his hair. Nursey sits back to watch him still wearing a smile of his own.

“We’re so stupid,” Nursey says. “Chowder and Farmer told me what I missed.”

“Ugh.” Dex’s hand leaves his hair to cover his face again, leaving the redheaded mess all pushed to the right. “Farmer knows too? Christ.”

“Sorry you’re all ashamed of me,” Nursey chirps, and Dex moves his hands so Nursey can watch him roll his eyes. Nursey leans in to kiss him again. He’s positive his smile’s never going to disappear.

“I’m not,” Dex says firmly. “I’m just processing.” Nursey pulls back another time but Dex keeps eyes closed. “After that last time,” he says slowly. “When you were all--God, it was too much, Nursey.” Nursey wants to kiss him again but knows he should let Dex talk. “I told myself I couldn’t have that.”

Nursey exhales a laugh, lifting his hands to cup Dex’s cheeks. “Baby, you can have that,” he murmurs. When Nursey can’t help but kiss him again, Dex kisses him back like it’s the only time he’s ever really done it. He pulls Nursey on top of him and his hands roam like he’s trying to take all of Nursey in at once. “Dex, I wanna be with you,” he murmurs, words muffled against his mouth, and Dex nods into it.

“I want that,” Dex rasps. “But Nursey--” he takes a deep breath. “Having a boyfriend is way different than hate sex with your roommate.”

“I didn’t know that having a boyfriend was one of the options,” Nursey tells him.

“Are you sure?”

“Dex. Will.” Nursey exhales a soft laugh. Even if they have to take it slow. Even if Dex doesn't want to come out to everyone else yet. “Yes. _God_ , yes.”

Dex clutches his shirt and tugs him toward him. “Fuck. Then c’mere.”

Nursey leans in for another kiss, his grin splitting his face. They spend the rest of the day in bed.

* * *

When Nursey wakes up in Dex’s bed the next morning, Dex is gone. He tries not to panic too much before he remembers that Dex has class and, even if he’s sick beyond measure, Dex always goes to class. Nursey’s phone is all the way across the room so instead of getting out of bed he snuggles back in and waits for Dex to get back.

When he does he has two iced coffees, one which has way too much creamer for Dex, meaning it must be for Nursey.

“Don’t you have your own bed?” Dex asks. The smile on his face is soft and easy and Nursey buries himself more under the blankets to hide the blush that’s taking over his face. Dex perches on the edge of the mattress and offers him the coffee that is clearly for Nursey. “You want this?”

Nursey sticks his hand out from the blanket so Dex can pass it to him.

“How was class?” Nursey asks, eventually sitting up. They were up late talking about where they're taking this, so he must've been tired. He wiggles to the edge of the mattress so he can lean over and press a kiss to Dex’s cheek. Dex turns at the last minute to really kiss him, causing Nursey to pull back with a smile. “That good?”

“Mm.”

“Thanks for the coffee.”

Dex lifts his own back to his lips to take a long drink. “Chowder and I went to Annie’s,” he says. “Talked about. Uh, this.”

“Yeah?” Nursey asks. He takes a drink of his own. It’s perfect. “How’d it go?”

Dex leans back a little, turning his body so he can better face Nursey head on. “It was awkward,” he admits. “But Chowder--”

Before Dex can say anything else, the door slams open, and Chowder rushes in.

“I knew it wasn’t hate sex!” he shouts, running toward the both of them and throwing himself onto Dex’s bed with them. Nursey laughs wildly as they all fall backwards, both he and Dex holding up their drinks to prevent them from spilling. “I’m so happy!” Chowder cheers. “I love you guys so much!”

“We love you too, C,” Nursey laughs.

Chowder starts rambling on about how he cares about both of them deeply and supports this change in their relationship but they better _not_ cancel on weekly Frog nights for sex and Dex bubbles with laughter. His face is all kinds of red but he’s still smiling and Nursey feels like the luckiest guy in the world. As Chowder carries on Nursey turns, looking to Dex, to shake his head fondly.

He’s pretty happy, too.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter/tumblr @wholesomeholsom! leave some love!


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